As you experience the gravity and commitment of engagement and new marriage–the weight of love, in the best way–have you wondered how your friendships with the opposite sex could, or should, change? Throughout our relationship, my husband and I have learned the value of clear boundaries in friendships only through our error and blindness. There was the time his female study partner began sharing deep emotional scars with him, appreciating his sympathetic ear, only to develop romantic feelings for him. It made me wish they spent less time together. There was the period where I felt out of place at my first corporate job, as one of the youngest employees and as someone just beginning to navigate the social politics of office life. When I met a male technical writer who was also a recent hire, one who shared my sense of humor and had similar tastes in music and literature, we became fast friends. My husband was hurt when he learned my friend spent significant time chatting one-on-one at my desk and that we shared inside jokes and instant-messaged throughout the workday, sometimes more frequently than I communicated with my husband himself.
Debating Opposite Sex Friendships
Lisa Cotter. September 10, 9, 0. Dating , Friendship. Raise your hand if you have had some form of a conversation based around the topic of whether or not men and women can simply be friends. I think this complicated question deserves a complicated answer. In short, it depends, which puts me in the yes and no camp at the same time.
There is a divide in the church on many issues and believers are divided on various things from the music we play in our churches, to the existence of spiritual gifts, baptism and how the Holy Spirit exists in our lives. These issues are generally more public, but here is one that has a little less spotlight shining on it: whether men and women can be friends and how we are to navigate these friendships. Some say that male-female friendships are totally normal.
Others view that these friendships should not exist at all. Others believe that friendship with someone of the opposite gender must lead to a romantic future, or else it has no value. The church would condemn this as negative thinking from the secular world, but for some in the Body of Christ, our view of friendship is just as bad. I believe that God is gracious enough to give us the opportunity to build healthy friendships of the opposite gender and see positive effects from them.
For the Christian, we are called to regard each other as brother and sister, treat each other with honor and respect, and encourage each other in holiness while we both earnestly seek Christ. Christ died for my brother, just as He died for me, and we are family based on this occurrence alone. The encouragement provided as we strive for holiness should be done with every member of the church that we may come into relationship with; it simply is owed to one another.
I believe opposite gender friendships have various rewards. As a woman, it would be helpful to have a male perspective on certain appropriate issues such as the Christian life, relationships and how a romantically interested Christian brother should treat you as a woman. Having a close brother provides a necessary insight in understanding the opposite gender a little more if you lack in this area. Hopefully your brother understands kindness and chivalry and will inform that any man romantically interested in pursuing you should treat you with the same respect that he does.
Some people just get along better with members of the opposite sex. Some think sex will always enter the equation and screw everything up. Okay, for some, this is a problem. However, I do think there are rules of opposite gender friendships which should be followed at all times by both sides. These are more of an unspoken set of guidelines that will help you keep your friendship on the right side of the line.
Every interaction between you two should be totally platonic.
When you’re romantically involved with someone, it might be considered taboo to maintain a friendship with a member of the opposite sex.
This is certainly a subject that is important often gets downplayed. There is certainly a risk right right here that have to not be ignored. And I also wish individuals will maybe perhaps maybe not conclude because I am far from it that I am opposed to opposite-sex friendship across the board. Friendship is due to closeness with another individual. This closeness is due to two hearts that grow close one to the other.
A couple of dating and a married couple naturally develop closeness, hence near relationship. That is a tremendously thing that is good and may often be maintained. In reality, it will never stop growing, and really should constantly want to go deeper. That which we are involved with in friendships maybe demonstrably could be the part of our figures. Its doubtful you will ever find two buddies who is able to truthfully state they usually have never ever moved one another by any means.
Can I Still Have Opposite Sex Friendships?
Platonic friendships can be complicated. At their very worst, you might end up caught in a jealous, frustrating relationship. But at their very best, platonic relationships can enrich your life in countless ways. The boundaries often get blurred in platonic friendships, and that can lead to hurt feelings or even a broken heart.
One of our friends says that’s not a hard and fast rule. She says if the man dating the woman with a guy friend is secure in who he is and if he’s a strong Christian.
I was speaking recently at a Theology on Tap and the subject of friendship with the opposite sex while dating came up. This is an important subject that often gets downplayed. There is a danger here that must not be overlooked. And I hope people will not conclude that I am opposed to opposite-sex friendship across the board, because I am far from it. Friendship has to do with intimacy with another person.
This intimacy has to do with two hearts that grow close to one another. A couple dating and a married couple naturally develop intimacy, thus close friendship. That is a very good thing, and should always be maintained. In fact, it should never stop growing, and should always desire to go deeper. What we are concerned with in friendships perhaps obviously is the role of our bodies. It is doubtful that you will ever find two friends who can honestly say they have never touched each other in any way.
It is a natural part of friendship to touch each other. There are plenty of appropriate and non-genital or sexually arousing ways to interact physically with a friend. A hug is probably the most popular one.
044: Pamela Naidoo – How To Make Friends With The Opposite Sex
How do you manage your opposite sex friendships whenever you are in an exclusive relationship? How can we assess whether these relationships are healthy or not? Today I want to propose 7 things to consider when determining whether an opposite sex friend is healthy or unhealthy for your relationship. Here are 7 questions proposed by Dr.
Growing up I always got along better with guys. Unlike most of the girls in my class, my closest friends were guys. Instead, I found guys to be straightforward, simple, and relatively drama free. Plus, my interests aligned better with the male population — sports, sports, and more sports. For whatever reason, I just clicked with guys better than girls despite my best efforts.
While being surrounded by my guy pals worked well for most of my life, there was a point where this became something I needed to think twice about.
The Rules of Opposite Gender Friendships
We expect things to be different after marriage , and one of the more difficult changes is in our friendships. Often, while we share similar stages of life with our friends, your marital relationship should be the primary relationship. Many couples bring a variety of things into the relationship—including that comfy couch from your bachelor pad or that well-worn t-shirt or sweatshirt, mismatched plates, cookware, and friends of the opposite sex.
All Episodes. The Art of Relationships Podcast – April 1, We are grateful for listeners like you. Let’s start right into it. We talked about speakpipe. That’s another way to do this. And some of the topics and questions that we get are really cool. Let’s answer a couple of those. What do you think? A listener wrote in and said that jealousy in a dating relationship is causing some problems, especially the fact that this other person, the person that they’re with, has a close friend of the opposite sex.